Loneliness has become such a severe problem that the former U.S. Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek Murthy, chose to write a book focused on the loneliness epidemic in America. According to recent research, as many as one in five of Americans feel lonely. Loneliness is not simply a mental health issue: Dr. Murthy warned that chronic loneliness poses the same health risks as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
Here in the Bay Area, San Mateo County made history when it passed a resolution declaring loneliness a public health crisis. In 2022, 45% of San Mateo county residents reported they had experienced loneliness and isolation. To address this crisis, San Mateo County launched the Loneliness Awareness and Solutions Initiative, which has spearheaded programs to increase awareness of loneliness and to enhance connections between county residents.
I find from listening to my clients that one obstacle to feeling less lonely is often a psychological block. People would like more friends, but they hesitate to reach out or they wish for others to reach out first. Some have high expectations for friends, e.g. only wanting friends who share the same political persuasions, personal tastes or religious beliefs.
The first step, in my professional opinion, is to take a hard look at yourself and assess if you need to be more flexible in your mindset when it comes to friends. A question you might want to ask yourself is: “What am I willing to do in order to make friends?” If you are not willing to make changes on your own, seek the support of a therapist to guide you.
If you are up to making a change, there is good news for you. The Bay Area has a plethora of resources to help alleviate loneliness for all groups, from the very young to the elderly. Here are some things you can do to improve your loneliness:
For starters, a human (not AI!) connection is only a phone call or text away. You can call or text the CalHOPE Warm Line at 833.317.HOPE (4673). Spanish speakers can call 833.642.7696. The CalHOPE Warm Line connects callers to people who have been through struggles themselves. You will be answered with kindness and non-judgment. Another resource for immediate help is the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. Call or text 988.
If you have been isolated for a long time, you might need to work on your social muscles. After the pandemic, many felt they did not know how to be in a group anymore. Practice small steps, like saying one sentence beyond “thank you” when you buy groceries or borrow a book from the library. You can then try saying more each time you return to the same venue. Recognizing others and being seen by others, even in small ways, are powerful antidotes to loneliness.
Volunteering is a great way to end your loneliness. You get to meet other volunteers AND you get to do some good as well. My favorite website for finding volunteer positions is: idealist.org/volunteermatch. Don’t forget that you can volunteer in your community by offering to help in your local religious group, school, library and other organizations, like the American Association of University Women Fremont branch and the Newark Toastmasters Club.
Taking classes is a non-threatening way to meet likeminded people who share your interests. There are so many avenues for learning in the Bay Area: community colleges, adult education schools and city-run programs are just a few examples of great low-cost learning opportunities. These aren’t always academic either—you can have fun learning to cook, arranging flowers or doing tai chi. This is a great way to make friends.
For those who are homebound, taking real-time (also called “synchronous”) classes gives you the opportunity to interact with people. Language classes, in particular, are helpful platforms for making friends because they encourage participation and socialization.
Groups are also a good socialization opportunity. You can find pretty much any group with people that share your interests, be it running, hiking, reptiles, investing, coin collecting, playing chess or reading. I am willing to bet that there is a group out there even if your interests are niche. In fact, the more niche your interests are, the more likely you will find like-minded friends in the group.
You can also find friends by joining groups focused on self-improvement, such as co-dependency, addiction and weight struggles. These latter groups tend to be authentic, down-to-earth and inspiring because people come to the meetings with the hope of improving their lives.
Last but not least, group therapy is a great way to learn tools to handle loneliness while connecting with real-life people in a group.
If you are feeling lonely, know that you do not have to remain lonely forever. I encourage you to take one small step forward to get more connected with others. That one small step can be life-changing and lifesaving.
Anne Chan is a career consultant and licensed California psychotherapist. She specializes in helping people find happiness in their careers and lives. You can reach her at an*********@***il.com. © Anne Chan, 2026
