Scenario 1: Your company is undergoing a re-org and it is clear that some jobs will be restructured, and many will be eliminated. The work atmosphere becomes tense and unfriendly, as colleagues jockey to save their hides. What do you do?
Scenario 2: Your boss gives you a poor work evaluation. You feel devastated, angry and hurt. How will you react?
Scenario 3: You keep hearing ominous and depressing news about Artificial Intelligence (AI) taking away all jobs. How will you stand up to this AI challenge?
Scenario 4: As the inside candidate, you believed you were a shoo-in for a promotion. But the job was given to an external candidate instead. You feel hurt, angry and betrayed. How will you cope with this situation? How will you treat this new colleague who “stole” this opportunity from you and your boss who preferred someone over you?
Scenario 5: Your partner tells you that they are done with the relationship. You are now facing the threat of being alone. How are you going to deal with your fear and anxiety?
I wish I could say that the above scenarios are once-in-a-lifetime events. However, the sad reality is that they are regular occurrences in the workplace and in life, particularly here in Silicon Valley. These challenges to your mental well-being are real and they bring with them a plethora of painful emotions like anger, fear, anxiety, worry and despair. Certainly, these are not easy situations to deal with. However, research has found that the psychologically resilient handle negative events with such fortitude that they appear to come out even stronger and more successful on the other side.
Psychology researchers use the term “resilience” to describe the ability to bounce back from setbacks and challenges. Some people are hardwired to be more resilient in life and have an easier time bouncing back. However, the good news is that resilience is a learnable skill, even if you are not hardwired that way. You can strengthen your resilience muscle just as you can work on your abs and quads.
The basics of building resilience are likely not going to surprise you, but they cannot be overemphasized. To become resilient, you need to get enough sleep and to eat nutritiously. These fundamentals are essential to helping you cope with adversity. Resist the temptation to cut your sleep to work harder or to snag lunch from the vending machine so you can catch up on emails. The fearful part of you wants to prove that you are a great worker, so you try to put in extra time at work. Counterintuitive though it may seem, working harder doesn’t mean that you are working smarter. You cannot be a great worker unless you have a healthy mind and body fueled by sleep and nutrition.
Resilience researchers have also found that those who have the ability to bounce back have stronger ties to people around them. Close friends and loved ones can give us that much-needed emotional boost and support when we are down. Our Silicon Valley lifestyle tends to encourage us to hide behind our phones, connecting mostly through social media. However, there is no replacement for true, meaningful connections. So reach out to people, both at work and outside. Even if you are feeling lonely and friendless, you can still volunteer your time and connect with others. Loneliness is associated with medical conditions like heart disease, high blood pressure and dementia. So schedule time each day to connect with family or friends via phone, text, in person or on social media. Make the intention to build strong connections and relationships with others at work.
Stress is a fact of life, especially here in the Bay Area. Unfortunately, stress erodes resiliency. On the bright side, there are many things you can do to manage and reduce your stress levels. Take a stress management class: yoga, taichi, qigong, meditation and breathing classes are all beneficial for calming our minds and bodies. Attending a class can also be a great way to connect with like-minded people.
Another immediate stress-buster is to go outside and be with nature. Studies have shown that trees and plants have immediate beneficial effects on our stress hormone levels.
For those of you who tend to pile too much onto your plates and then get stressed out, learning to say no is an essential skill.
In this article, I focused on the action steps you can do immediately to start developing your personal resilience. Next month, I will delve deeper into mind hacks so that you can psychologically bounce back from challenging circumstances at work and at home. Remember: resilience is a skill that anyone can develop, whether they are ten or 100 years old!
Anne Chan is a career consultant and licensed psychotherapist in California. She specializes in helping people find happiness in their careers and lives. You can reach her at an*********@gm***.com © Anne Chan, 2024
