“How puzzling all these changes are! I’m never sure what I’m going to be, from one minute to another.” — Lewis Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland
The crazy thing about aging is that you don’t know it’s happening until all of a sudden, you’re old. Especially as a woman, hormonal fluctuations seemingly change everything overnight. I’m fortunate to be in good health, although my stamina might beg to differ.
While I do my damndest to suppress those mutinous gray hairs on my head, other alarming hairs are sprouting from unexpected places—like my chin! So rude. My midsection, meanwhile, seems prepared to act as a flotation device. At the same time, I am so very tired. And yet, I still feel 17 inside, accompanied by an occasional bout of angsty rage—midlife, the second adolescence!—although I probably just need a nap. And a snack. But make it high protein, please.
Which brings me to the wonderful changes I’ve had to make to my increasingly mature diet. I read food labels with extra scrutiny, noting the payoff in fiber vs. fat, calories vs. protein, sugar vs. complex carbs. Plus, I’m walking more now. I used to love a leisurely stroll; now it’s a mandated 10,000 steps a day, thank you, ma’am. (I’ve even learned to tolerate the occasional “ma’am” thrown at me. Sigh.)
I’m handling fun and stress differently now, too. No more wild nights of drinking to relax and forget! (I’m forgetting everything nicely on my own anyway.) Alcohol, once a delightfully mischievous friend, is now the demonic thief of my slumber. Going out seems like a lot of effort. Will there be parking? Will there be food? Can I be home by 8pm?
Up to this point, I’ve avoided pharmaceuticals whenever possible. This means my kitchen counter is overflowing with herbal supplements: ashwagandha, shatavari, saw palmetto, magnesium, etc. I’m monitoring my glucose and managing my cortisol.
Yes, aging appears to be the act of doing more to achieve the same baseline results.
But reaching “a certain age” does have its merits. I’ve become more confident in my knowledge, abilities and resilience; younger friends deem me “wise,” which is weird, but I’ve also leaned into my weirdness. And huzzah, I’ve largely ditched my usual people-pleasing tendencies! Who has the time to please anyone these days?
Life’s struggles and tragedies have also been powerful teachers. Experiencing an unfortunate amount of grief from losing loved ones has led to an increased capacity for compassion and care. Incorporating a daily meditation practice allows me to slow down and be present for what’s quickly becoming a terrifyingly short life.
One thing that hasn’t changed is my curiosity and desire to learn. Maybe the art of getting older is about simultaneously accepting who I am while staying open to who I’m becoming. As Alice discovered, things can get “curiouser and curiouser.” I’m game. But first, a nap.
