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Recently I listened to a report of someone who was invited to speak to an assembly of students. A comment from a member of the audience was so offensive that the speaker temporarily left the podium, but subsequently recovered and returned to address the issue. Upon further discussion, the person making the comment revealed that the diatribe was not an attack, rather an explanation of a painful experience and plea for help. The incident was used to highlight an often misplaced “default” we tend to employ when filtering information received from friends, family, social media, newscasts and a myriad of sources.

 

Prior experiences have implanted triggers in all of us. These can often result in reactions critical for survival, but also dictate conclusions based on incomplete and erroneous information. In a casual setting among friends, such miscues can be rectified but even then, at times misunderstandings can escalate to great heights, even violence. The current political/social environment is filled with misinformation, deception and fearmongering. In an atmosphere of distrust and fear, there is a tendency to revert to a default mode of response that, while useful in immediate, life-threatening situations, can override common sense and the ability to listen and empathize with others.

 

Recognizing and controlling default behavior is a tricky proposition. It becomes inherent in our behavior, hard to isolate. Often the best we can hope for is knowledge of its presence and a conscious effort to rein in subsequent actions. When appearance, speech, customs or attitude creates internal conflict, it may be an internal trigger that has signaled an alert, asking you to pay attention but not necessarily go into a psychological or physical “fight or flight” mode. Just as the speaker noted above took time to assess, collect her thoughts and reassess the situation, it is incumbent on all of us to allow a bit of space, time and perspective to either add credence or dispel initial reactions.

 

Assuming a Machiavellian plot behind each disturbing incident or utterance is often counterproductive, leading to misinterpretation and avoidable conflict. With this in mind, our politicians, especially at the local level, should set aside time for public discussion and exposure in a town meeting format when agenda items are minimal or absent. The default position in this setting should be one of active listening to constituents’ hopes, fears and aspirations. This can only be done in an in-person format without the shield of virtual meetings.

 

Personal and civic default settings are an important component of our society and cannot be ignored. Have you examined your personal default settings?